Like smoking cigarettes

Feeding my inner hunger

Destroying from the inside—out

I vow never to do it again.

It works. For a little while.

Then my nerves start buzzing

Like a thousand bees

From a broken nest.

Uncontrollable.

I go to the edge of town

To the edge of the world

And I find my fix

Tall and lean and perfect

Like a sex craved beast

I suck down 5,6,7 in a row

Filling me up, satiating my hunger

Quenching my thirst. It’s good.

Day after day I am drawn towards it

Love fills me like smoke

Suffocatingly unbelievable.

I’m addicted

To the point where I can’t stop

Our movements are fluid

Its natural—it’s right.

But When I become that deep

When I bury myself

Ten feet under with lust

The suffocating becomes real

My chest begins to hurt

My lungs like my heart

Are restrained by this disease

It is no longer smooth or natural

As I begin dying

From the inside out.

I toss my pack like I toss my love

I vow never to do it again.

It works. For a little while.